6.

i'm afraid that   one of these times my lucky number will actually be on the back the fortune of my fortune cookie.

because then it might actually be real, and i won't really know what to do or think.

i'm afraid of waking up.

i'm afraid  of someone breaking in.

of the girl in that ring movie.

and i'm afraid of loving someone too much.

i fear his eyes & his hands

and the inability to say no.

and i'm afraid of  halloween

but not because of the holiday

but because i don't even have true enough friends to make a plan the night of halloween to be confident in it.

and that's  the saddest fear of them all.

so here's to friday night halloween of a popular 17 year old girl with her mom

because that is the most safe option of them all.

how to box

lift your fists up

higher, stronger.

don't forget your head also come on now, eyes up

are you okay? no no never mind you just need to be you just have to be

fight for your scary 17 year old love, punch

fight to take that first step out of your bed, swing

but make sure you ring the water out of your pillow before you leave for school

swing again, you have practice in 10 minutes. run.

you're not good enough you're not good enough, duck.

fix your hair they're looking

tighten your grip why are you slipping away

go ahead, yell until your head shakes, they still won't listen

fight if you love him, fight even if you can't talk to him, just fight.

you'll be alright darling

are you strong yet? wipe your tears

you have a test next period lets go college is coming

i want the world to stop

i need it to stop.

but oh wait you're still in the ring, watch out

keep swinging lovely, you don't really have a choice.

swing for the insomniacs, because tonight i'll be up with you.

i don't get it

               the most twisted logic ever,

the people who love you the most hurt you the worse.

   there are people who can barely eat but are five million times happier than I will ever be.

i don't even cross your mind while you are slowly crushing mine.

         on the outside is a smiling family, on the inside is the saddest thing you could ever see.

for every up there's a down.

                        you said forever & always but now we're just awkward glances in the hallways.

um why not

maybe being myself is different enough. maybe not. idk. but what i do know is

this is a gif. and i can't decide if i love or hate rain. or if i love being safe or spontaneous. 

i will be wearing this on my wedding day. if i even decide i can trust again enough.

yes i secretly wish i was a mermaid. why? because then i could actually be free for once from orders.

this is my favorite drink & biggest weakness, next to boys. but boys leave all the time & boba won't so.

i get more excited about a completely white bed than most anything in life. 

she is my favorite human being. and i truly believe that those words are the most truthful thing i live by.